The Bonac Wall and A Ploversy

Reading Jerrys letter two weeks ago (I'm probably one of the few who cracked a smile during some of it, Hell I giggled.) left me wondering about these stupid little birds that continue to shut down our beaches, and how their sheer existence effects our Summertime quality of life.

Probably one of the most popular beaches to attend for Locals is off of Napeague Lane. Every Sunday we gather the kids and join the line of trucks of friends and families for a great day.. especially now because thanks to a little snafu in Mr. McGinfees parking sticker Nazism, you may have to pay to park AT the beach, but not ON it. So thankfully we didn't have to take 25 dollars out of our rent or grocery money to buy a sticker this year.

So, imagine my surprise when we went down a few weeks ago and found our glorious beach, the last place real locals can have a good, free time, has all but disappeared. Instead of a couple of miles of good friends and families, we now only have a couple hundred yards before that dreaded snow fencing and Piping Plovers signs rise up out of the Sand like the Bonac Berlin Wall. A couple families were there, crammed in the few yards between the fence and entrance to the beach, shrugging and shaking their heads.

I come out of my truck and survey the situation. Unlike other "Plover Quarantine" areas, this fence protrudes as far towards the water as possible, and there must of been at least six threatening signs zip tied all over it. Reluctantly, since there was no room for us, we packed it up and went home.

How strange. Up until this summer, Napeague was the only beach that has never been bordered off in such an extreme way for the rats. Napeague is also the only beach a Bonacker can go to without needing the 25 dollar McSticker. Now the beach is so small no one can fit on it. Did Billy Boy realize the little loophole in his Money Making scheme? Sure, there was a plover inside the fence, there was also one outside, Heck, there are plovers running around on every beach I have been to this summer. They're about as thick and irritating as deer ticks these days. I've seen More of these little sucker than I have seagulls.

When I got over my initial fuming I did come up with some good schemes, to make the day of anyone who is as annoyed with these little birds as I.

Plover Putting. Want to give some Citiots and maybe a beach cop a good heart attack? Find yourself a few golf balls, dip it in glue and roll it in a mess of black, white and grey feathers. Head down to your favorite quarantined beach one morning and place them strategically near the snow fencing, close to the surf. Then go relax on your beach chair with your favorite nine iron close at hand. Whenever a couple comes walking by, spring up, go running at one of your "Plovers", and with a loud "FOWL!" put it off into the ocean, feathers flying and all. Watch the reaction that ensues and be pleased.


New Recipe: This one is Fail Proof people. I gave it a try last weekend and once the population is high enough for open season on these suckers it will be my favorite snack.


Buffalo Plover:

1 Dozen plovers, plucked and cleaned
1 egg
1 cup flour
1 teaspoon Seasoned Salt
oil for frying
1 stick of butter
4 tbsp Hot Sauce
1/2 cup ketchup
Melt butter, ketchup and hot sauce together on low heat.
Scramble egg and reserve in small bowl. Mix Flour and seasonings in a larger bowl.
Heat oil to 375 degrees
Dip plovers in egg, then flour mix, then fry for 7-10 minutes or until golden brown.
Dip in sauce, and serve with blue cheese and your favorite vegetables.
An excellent, organic alternative to chicken wings that is sure to please a crowd.