Interview With The Easter Bunny

Ladies and Gentlemen, guess who was given Exclusive rights to interview the Furry Big Man himself this year, but yours truly. Many have pondered about the private life of the Mr. Bunny, what goes on during the other 364 days of the year? Is there a lot of Rivalry between him and Jesus for attention? WHY give EGGS? After a sitdown at a classy local cafe to dine over green salad and alfalfa pellets (I passed on the alfalfa.) I am here to share what everyone has been dying to know.

Me: "Good Afternoon, Mr. Bunny."

EB: "Just call me EB"

Me: For Easter Bunny?

EB: No, my first name is Ernie. Not that anyone cares. Esther is my wife.

Me: I see E... Ernie. So. How did you get into your current proffession?

EB: It was actually the tooth fairy's idea. We were sitting around playing Quarters and having a few and were bitching about Santa not showing up for Poker. He claimed the wife wanted him home that night. Whatever. Since he gets to go out and give presents to kids to celebrate when Jesus was born, I decided to give out crap the day Jesus died. Boy was Clause pissed but I thought it was funny. I've been doing it ever since.

Me: That's interesting

EB: Not really. But I'll tell you one thing... back then the tooth fairy had a SMOKIN' body. Waiter, can I get a jackrabbit and coke? Get it? Jack, RABBIT? Yes I'm awesome.

Me: So, why do you give out colored eggs every year?

EB: We used to give out scissors and small bottles of paint thinner. After a high profile lawsuit I switched to eggs and bubbles. Now I mainly give out plastic eggs because kids these days are allergic to the real thing. That and PETA gave me Hell. Fucking idiots. I gave all my Chickens to KFC just to spite those tree huggers. Cigarette?

ME: No thanks.

EB: Suit yourself.

Me: So, people have been trying to make Easter more about Jesus and less about you. What are your thoughts?

EB: Can't say I blame them. Jesus was awesome. He voluntarily allowed himself to get nailed to pieces of wood for Christ's sake (No pun intended). Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer put together wouldn't even mess with J Dog.

Me: Are you planning to continue your Easter ritual forever?

EB: Eh, when I get tired of it I'll hand the business over to my cousin Herb. He's a guinea pig with a small cocaine poblem but all he'll need is a pair of longer ears to pull it off. Listen babe, I gotta get going, I have a 3:00 at the dentist and if I don't go the wife will have my tail.

Me: No problem Ernie.

EB: Here's my number, we'll go out for a few drinks sometime, paint the town.

Me: I don'tthink my husband will appreciate that.

EB: Yeah whatever, he's a pussy. Tell him I told you all about how he was getting Easter Baskets into his twenties. Or at least save it as blackmail next time he pisses you off.

Me: Will do.