Don't Mess With Mama

Life isn't always Fun And Games in this house. Every now and then someone comes around who lacks enough brain cells and gets to close to my brood. When this mama smells fear or evil, she bites. And trust me, I am not up to date on my rabies. The foam that comes out of my mouth every now and then is like a sign that says "Oh Shit! Run Motherfucker RUN!"

Women are also catty bitches. It's the reason why I only hang out with a very choice few. If I could make up a test a woman has to take in order to hang out with me I would. Then again, what's stopping me? Hee.

It's also amazing that it's easier to adopt a child from China than it is to adopt a dog from a local Shelter or Rescue. After losing our old boy of over 100 (doggy) years in November we finally decided it was time for a new ball of fur in the house. (Of course, other than KiKi the Psycho Cat.. I'm becoming rather convinced that she's half http://www.montauk-monster.com/.)

I went hog wild on Craiglist and Petfinder for a few weeks until I found a pretty little girl. Half Beagle, Half boston Terrier, One year old. PERFECT time for my little Mas birthday. I made arrangements, filled out the application, and the lady told me to come on over and get her on Monday.

Ma was doing to Puppy Dance all the way to the car and after picking out Doggys First Toy, we were on our way on the hours drive. When we arrived I bounded into the office and announced I was there to take my baby home.

"I'm sorry Ma'am, I guess you didn't get my message." Said Shelter Lady.

*Insert confused look* "What happened?"

"Well, we were in contact with one of your references who said you mistreated your last dog and refused medical attention."


Yup, we are some big bad puppy abusers. Can't you just feeeeeeel the evil eminating from this picture?


WHAT? Sam was a big happy Shephard Mix, but at 16 his mind was starting to go, his arthritis was being sucky no matter what medicine you gave him, and like any other 16 year old, he looked like his groomer was the Cryptkeeper. When Lurch took him to the Vet for his Rabies Booster the Doc said "Well, I can give it to him, but at his age his body probably won't handle it. I think he only has a few months left anyway so it may be better to put him down."

My husband thought, and thought, and made the decision. He came home that night with tears in his eyes. Sam was his best friend for 16 years and the only thing my wonderful husband fought for when he divorced his crazy bitchex wife. Our good friend who was a vet tech told him at the office "Don't worry, I'm so sorry, I'll take care of everything." and wouldn't even let Lurch pay the 40 bucks for the euthenization.

Well, NOW, the same friend made a report that, GET THIS, my husband ABANDONED OUR DOG THERE and sent it to Animal Control. THEN when the Shelter Lady called her for a reference (Because stupid me thought it was a great idea to put our damn vet down as one.) She fed her a bigger load of shit than.. well a shit factory that make shit statues. I was shocked, but what's worse is my poor little Ma had to be told AT the shelter "Sorry, Doggy's not coming home with us." The look of misery and horror on my little girls face is forever burned into my brain.

The past two days I've been feeling very much like Dr. Cox on "Scrubs". Mama hawk is on the warpath and every phone call she made to a person responsible for hurting her little girl made fur fly. Papa Bear Lurch was on the same war path. By the time he was through with both Shelter Lady and the Dog Warden they both hung up crying. The only person left on our list now is Vet Lady, who never again will see me without shooting sulfuric acid out my eyes. The shittiness that takes over bored women trapped in a small town is amazing, which is why I'd do anything for my guy friends and consider myself One Of The Guys. Never again will I trust a vagina carrier as far as I can throw them.

On a high note, I'm going to find my kid the most kickass guinea pig ANYONE has ever had. And the day we do get a new dog (from a STORE) I'll be mailing out pictures to Shelter Lady, Dog Warden AND Vet Lady of us holding our gorgeous furry thing and flipping off the camera, with a little note that reads "Thanks anyway!" On the back.

Boozya.